Fin can't stop counting.

She's always heard a voice inside her head, ordering her to listen, but ever since she's moved to the Sunshine State and her parents split up, numbers thump like a metronome, rhythmically keeping things in control. When a new doctor introduces terms like clinical depression and OCD, and offers a prescription for medication, the chemical effects make Fin feel even more messed up. Until she meets a doodling, rule-bending skater who buzzes to his own beat--and who might just understand Fin's hunger to belong, and her struggle for total constant order.






"Likable characters and an intense pace."

— School Library Journal

"Plenty of kids, OCD or not, will...find the exploration of disorder and identity thought-provoking."

— Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

"Readers will recognize the anger, the anxiety, and the longing for escape."

— Booklist

"This must-have story is fresh. Chappell's first novel is a breakthrough."

— Voice of Youth Advocates (VOYA) ★ Starred Review, Editor's Choice Book

"...a wise, keenly observed novel about creating the illusion of control during the most out-of-control time of life: high school. I don't have OCD, but I obsessively, compulsively read it from start to finish. Crissa-Jean Chappell is a captivating new voice in teen fiction."

— Megan McCafferty, Sloppy Firsts

"TOTAL CONSTANT ORDER gave me that sickening, gut-wrenching feeling of being in high school, being different, and trying desperately to feel less alone. I wish I'd had this book to read back then. It would have done the trick."

— Brent Runyon, The Burn Journals